"AMERICAN WRITER" — 2004

In 2003, I found a new source of inspiration: the great Martin Scorsese. Not to mention Paul Thomas Anderson. I started challenging myself to watch what I called, at the time, "drama" movies. "Boogie Nights," "Mangolia," "Goodfellas," "Brining Out The Dead," "Casino." What great memories, seeing those—and others—for the first time. I remember watching "Goodfellas" for the first time and it really resonating with me. The nostalgia, the regret, the bitterness, the missing of old friends. To me, it wasn't a movie about gangsters, but a elegy for time you can't get back. A celebration of life.

So, I carried a lot of that with me after seeing those films, entering 2004 when the project for "American Writer" began. My great English teacher Tom Sabo assigned our class the task of making a presentation on a passed or living writer. I wanted to do Stephen King's, as his story was familiar to me from reading his book "On Writing," and much of his earlier experiences led to some Scorsese-like themes. But it didn't gel right, for whatever reason. And, for whatever reason, someone suggested F. Scott Fitzgerald. An author I'd not read, and was only familiar with because a girl once told me I reminded her of The Great Gatsby, a character, who after getting wealthy, threw parties in attempt to show off for an old flame. I very much related with that, and so, I picked Fitzgerald.

I read Andrew Turnbull's biography of Fitzgerald and felt a lot in common. I understood his aspirations to be a famous writer, his complicated relationship with his wife, and his untimely death. His life spoke to a lot of the themes I was interested in exploring. Regret, ambition, nostalgia, elegy, disillusionment, and the American dream. I was starting to become fascinated with the idea that pursuits in life seldom amounted to much. That you could chase something for years and years, get it, and find it not worth the time and sacrifice.

To be honest, I didn't read "The Great Gatsby." And I didn't have a firm understanding of all the little details of Fitzgerald's life. The movie is more about my life under the guise of Fitzgerald. Which is just as well. As that's what a lot of biopics are.

So, shooting it, being inspired by Scorsese and Paul Thomas Anderson, and the American epic, I zoomed the camera around, using my Radio Flyer wagon as a dolly, emulated different film formats, and made a movie about disillusionment.

The movie was really well received and probably did more to urge me toward really becoming a filmmaker. I was moving beyond just cribbing other movie ideas, and incorporating my own feelings. That's what I enjoy most about the movie—it probably expressed best how I felt about whatever I was feeling at the time. I look back on so much nostalgia all the people who were involved in the making of it. Christian Condrick, Bruce Barger. This was also the first time my great friend Jocelyn Meehan played an important role in my movies. Important because she would lend her time and be patient with me. Important becuase she captured a great deal of what I wanted to capture in a performance.

I still really love this movie and I hope you will too. Enjoy!